I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
