After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
