there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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