respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
