the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
