How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
