Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
