Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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