Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
