she was so not down for the gang bang
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
