She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
