Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
