accomplished twins. life is a go
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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