i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
