If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
