I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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