Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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