I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
