Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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