listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
