just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
