he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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