i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
