I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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