I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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