she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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