I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
