remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
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about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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