With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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