how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
