Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
