got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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