You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
