hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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