i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
