So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
