Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
