from now on my penis is your penis
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
