the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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