Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
