I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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