I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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