Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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