i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
