So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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