Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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