If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Houston, we have a blender
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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