Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
