Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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