She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
