Only a mothe r could love this liver
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
we're so committed to being not committed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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