my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
