Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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