When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
