I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
