Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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