I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
