my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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