On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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