I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
