I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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