Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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