My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
