Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
