Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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