He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
is it fun? or sober?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
