My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
