I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
