He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
