Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
