Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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