The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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