me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
